An awesome reader sent a question asking about bullying and the Law of Attraction and whether it was possible that she was attracting bullies into her life. So there are a few things we need to look at with this one: we’ll start by looking at it from the perspective of the bully, and then from the perspective of the person being bullied, and then we’ll look at some energy-shifting strategies to help deal with bullying situations. Let’s get started…
Why Are Some People Bullies?
What makes someone a bully? Why would anyone go out of their way to hurt another person like that? When this kind of thing happens, it’s always done out of pain, although the bully wouldn’t necessarily be able to recognize or understand that. But people don’t hurt other people unless they’re hurting in some way themselves.
When someone bullies another person, it’s an attempt to exert control and an attempt to make one feel better by making someone else feel worse. Make no mistake — there is power in the ability to cause pain. And like drinking or drug use, for some people, this power trip acts as a numbing agent – it makes them forget their own pain, however briefly. But it doesn’t last. And all it does is bring more pain. What you send out into the world is what comes back to you. Always. So bullying other people in an attempt to drown out your own problems just magnifies and expands those problems.
It’s also important to understand that none of this excuses the behaviour of bullies and abusers. It doesn’t matter how much you’re hurting – no one has the right to inflict pain and suffering on another. Not ever. And this doesn’t mean that you have to like the bully, or even that you should feel sorry for them. But it does help us to understand what’s really going on in these situations.
Why Am I Being Bullied?
To understand bullying from a law of attraction perspective, it helps to remember basic LOA: anything that you experience in life comes to you because you are in alignment with it. More simply, this means “as within, so without”, or “what you give is what you get”. Now, the alignment part of this is critical to understand, because nobody gets up in the morning and decides “Hey! I think I’d like to get bullied today!” What you are attracting into your life is not necessarily what you want, or even what you’re thinking about, but what you are a match to.
So you can get up in the morning and decide that you want today to be a fabulously awesome day but if, on the inside, you feel insecure, incapable and unworthy, you will still attract situations into your life that cause you to feel more insecure, incapable and unworthy. This is really important, so I’m going to say it again: It doesn’t matter what you project on outside – you can come across as the most capable, cooperative, and confident person out there (you might even be the most capable person in your office!) but if, on the inside, you feel insecure or unsure of yourself, that insecurity is your dominant energy pattern, and that is what you are most likely to attract into your life. Your external life is a mirror for what’s happening inside of you.
Now, when we talk about bullying and the Law of Attraction, we have to be very careful not to interpret this as “it’s your fault” – LOA is not there to give people an excuse for blaming victims for the abusive situations in which the find themselves. What LOA does is give us a tool for understanding our own power. If we can understand how our own energy and emotions affect the outside world, then we can use this information to reclaim our personal power and create a better experience for ourselves. Again, this is not about fault or blame. It’s about recognizing your own power to create the life and experience that you want.
Bullying and the Law of Attraction: Strategies
From a Law of Attraction perspective, we know that the only way to really change a situation is to change our energy in relation to that situation. If we know that the situation is a mirror to something that we’re feeling, then we can use this to figure out how to deal with it. So, if you’re in a situation where you’re being bullied, you need to be able to distance yourself from it enough to be able analyse what’s happening. What does it make you feel, exactly, when you’re being bullied? “Awful” isn’t specific enough. Does it make you feel insecure? Does it make you doubt yourself or your abilities to do your job? Does the bullying bring up feelings about your appearance or personal characteristics? If you can understand what feelings the bullying is triggering within you, this gives you a powerful indicator of what in your vibration is drawing this situation to you.
So if you realize that this bully makes you doubt whether you’re good enough to do your job, then take some time to analyse that. Look for all the evidence you can find that you ARE good at what you do. Do you mostly enjoy your work? Do other people ever ask you for advice or help? Has a supervisor ever given you a compliment on your work or thanked you for a job well done? Are your clients generally happy to deal with you? Have you ever won an award for a project you were involved in? Have you ever been asked to contribute your expertise to any committees or projects at work? Look for all the reasons that support the fact that you are great at what you do. Write all of these things down, and read this list every morning and every night for at least two weeks (first thing when you wake up and last thing before going to bed are the best times).
If it’s an appearance thing, I want you to write down, right now, five things that you actually like about yourself. If you get bullied about your weight, and you know that you’re sensitive about your weight, then don’t dwell on it. Instead, find five things that you love about yourself – maybe you have gorgeous eyes, or a fantastic smile, or you always have the perfect nails, or you have awesome fashion sense, or a laugh that always gets other people giggling, too. Start writing your list and don’t stop until you have at least five things on it. And I want you to read that list every morning and every night for the next two weeks. If you think of anything else over the two weeks, add it to the list!
You are freaking awesome, and I want you to start becoming aware of just how amazing you are! What you’re doing with these list exercises is trying to shift the way you feel, because it’s those feelings that are drawing the bullying to you. You shift that energy, shift your feelings, and you will shift the situation you’re in.
Summing it Up
When we look at bullying and the Law of Attraction, we’re really looking at the energy of the situation. Whenever more than one person is involved in a situation, it’s what we call a “co-creation” – the energy of each of the individuals involved is aligned to bring forth the particular situation. When we’re dealing with adult bullying situations, the bully almost always suffers from some sort of feeling of inadequacy and they’re afraid that their shortcomings are going to be “found out”. The person being bullied is usually someone very competent and capable, but who inwardly may question their abilities or who is desperately afraid of losing their job for whatever reason.
These energies then align to form a situation where the bully feels threatened by this very capable person who could make her look bad, so the bully flips into attack mode to try and make herself feel better by making the other person feel worse. And the victim, who is already giving out the energy of worry or fear, finds herself in yet another situation where she is forced to feel those feelings even more.
If the situation is to change, either one or both individuals has to shift the vibration they’re in before the outside circumstances can shift. And since the bully generally has less incentive and less insight into this problem, it’s almost always the victim that’s left to do the energy work and make the changes. But that’s OK – because the one who understands how this stuff works and puts it to use will be able to use it to her benefit in every other aspect of her life, too…
photo credit: (c) Can Stock Photo