An awesome reader sent a question asking about bullying and the Law of Attraction and whether it was possible that she was attracting bullies into her life. So there are a few things we need to look at with this one: we’ll start by looking at it from the perspective of the bully, and then from the perspective of the person being bullied, and then we’ll look at some energy-shifting strategies to help deal with bullying situations. Let’s get started…
Why Are Some People Bullies?
What makes someone a bully? Why would anyone go out of their way to hurt another person like that? When this kind of thing happens, it’s always done out of pain, although the bully wouldn’t necessarily be able to recognize or understand that. But people don’t hurt other people unless they’re hurting in some way themselves.
When someone bullies another person, it’s an attempt to exert control and an attempt to make one feel better by making someone else feel worse. Make no mistake — there is power in the ability to cause pain. And like drinking or drug use, for some people, this power trip acts as a numbing agent – it makes them forget their own pain, however briefly. But it doesn’t last. And all it does is bring more pain. What you send out into the world is what comes back to you. Always. So bullying other people in an attempt to drown out your own problems just magnifies and expands those problems.
It’s also important to understand that none of this excuses the behaviour of bullies and abusers. It doesn’t matter how much you’re hurting – no one has the right to inflict pain and suffering on another. Not ever. And this doesn’t mean that you have to like the bully, or even that you should feel sorry for them. But it does help us to understand what’s really going on in these situations.
Why Am I Being Bullied?
To understand bullying from a law of attraction perspective, it helps to remember basic LOA: anything that you experience in life comes to you because you are in alignment with it. More simply, this means “as within, so without”, or “what you give is what you get”. Now, the alignment part of this is critical to understand, because nobody gets up in the morning and decides “Hey! I think I’d like to get bullied today!” What you are attracting into your life is not necessarily what you want, or even what you’re thinking about, but what you are a match to.
So you can get up in the morning and decide that you want today to be a fabulously awesome day but if, on the inside, you feel insecure, incapable and unworthy, you will still attract situations into your life that cause you to feel more insecure, incapable and unworthy. This is really important, so I’m going to say it again: It doesn’t matter what you project on outside – you can come across as the most capable, cooperative, and confident person out there (you might even be the most capable person in your office!) but if, on the inside, you feel insecure or unsure of yourself, that insecurity is your dominant energy pattern, and that is what you are most likely to attract into your life. Your external life is a mirror for what’s happening inside of you.
Now, when we talk about bullying and the Law of Attraction, we have to be very careful not to interpret this as “it’s your fault” – LOA is not there to give people an excuse for blaming victims for the abusive situations in which the find themselves. What LOA does is give us a tool for understanding our own power. If we can understand how our own energy and emotions affect the outside world, then we can use this information to reclaim our personal power and create a better experience for ourselves. Again, this is not about fault or blame. It’s about recognizing your own power to create the life and experience that you want.
Bullying and the Law of Attraction: Strategies
From a Law of Attraction perspective, we know that the only way to really change a situation is to change our energy in relation to that situation. If we know that the situation is a mirror to something that we’re feeling, then we can use this to figure out how to deal with it. So, if you’re in a situation where you’re being bullied, you need to be able to distance yourself from it enough to be able analyse what’s happening. What does it make you feel, exactly, when you’re being bullied? “Awful” isn’t specific enough. Does it make you feel insecure? Does it make you doubt yourself or your abilities to do your job? Does the bullying bring up feelings about your appearance or personal characteristics? If you can understand what feelings the bullying is triggering within you, this gives you a powerful indicator of what in your vibration is drawing this situation to you.
So if you realize that this bully makes you doubt whether you’re good enough to do your job, then take some time to analyse that. Look for all the evidence you can find that you ARE good at what you do. Do you mostly enjoy your work? Do other people ever ask you for advice or help? Has a supervisor ever given you a compliment on your work or thanked you for a job well done? Are your clients generally happy to deal with you? Have you ever won an award for a project you were involved in? Have you ever been asked to contribute your expertise to any committees or projects at work? Look for all the reasons that support the fact that you are great at what you do. Write all of these things down, and read this list every morning and every night for at least two weeks (first thing when you wake up and last thing before going to bed are the best times).
If it’s an appearance thing, I want you to write down, right now, five things that you actually like about yourself. If you get bullied about your weight, and you know that you’re sensitive about your weight, then don’t dwell on it. Instead, find five things that you love about yourself – maybe you have gorgeous eyes, or a fantastic smile, or you always have the perfect nails, or you have awesome fashion sense, or a laugh that always gets other people giggling, too. Start writing your list and don’t stop until you have at least five things on it. And I want you to read that list every morning and every night for the next two weeks. If you think of anything else over the two weeks, add it to the list!
You are freaking awesome, and I want you to start becoming aware of just how amazing you are! What you’re doing with these list exercises is trying to shift the way you feel, because it’s those feelings that are drawing the bullying to you. You shift that energy, shift your feelings, and you will shift the situation you’re in.
Summing it Up
When we look at bullying and the Law of Attraction, we’re really looking at the energy of the situation. Whenever more than one person is involved in a situation, it’s what we call a “co-creation” – the energy of each of the individuals involved is aligned to bring forth the particular situation. When we’re dealing with adult bullying situations, the bully almost always suffers from some sort of feeling of inadequacy and they’re afraid that their shortcomings are going to be “found out”. The person being bullied is usually someone very competent and capable, but who inwardly may question their abilities or who is desperately afraid of losing their job for whatever reason.
These energies then align to form a situation where the bully feels threatened by this very capable person who could make her look bad, so the bully flips into attack mode to try and make herself feel better by making the other person feel worse. And the victim, who is already giving out the energy of worry or fear, finds herself in yet another situation where she is forced to feel those feelings even more.
If the situation is to change, either one or both individuals has to shift the vibration they’re in before the outside circumstances can shift. And since the bully generally has less incentive and less insight into this problem, it’s almost always the victim that’s left to do the energy work and make the changes. But that’s OK – because the one who understands how this stuff works and puts it to use will be able to use it to her benefit in every other aspect of her life, too…
photo credit: (c) Can Stock Photo
So, it is not arrogance and superiority that attracts that? My husband and I attracted a bad neighbor who never leaves us alone, is too timid to sue our landlord for her property damage and there is so much tension between us, I can’t even describe it. We pity her, yet it bothers us when she does stuff. She has all the power in her hands to complain to our landlord. Once he hears directly from her, the problem will be fixed, but she does not go about that way.
I know you will say to write a letter to the universe, which I already have. If this does not bother us at all, then it will go away? She ignores us in polite conversation, until she needs something, and is mean when we make jokes, trying to lighten up her gloom and doom.
anyway, I figured I’d ask about this, even though it is not bullying, yet annoying. Should I stop using that word altogether and be appreciative f the roof over our head?
Hi A. — Have you considered just contacting your landlord yourself? Maybe in the form of a helpful “just so you know, this happened and it might be a good idea if you fixed it because we’d hate for you to get sued by the neighbour…”? If all it’s going to take for the situation to be resolved is the landlord knowing about it, then does it have to be the other person who tells him?
We already did until the cows came home. It never even registered with the landlord. Update: neighbor contacted landlord and things will be put in motion. Hooray! I practiced the “let go of worry technique” and the delivery was made.
Yay! So glad to hear it worked out for you. It’s funny how things tend to work out when we essentially “give up” on them. When we let go, we get out of the way of the Universe doing its thing. 🙂
What a wonderful read, I’m the victim of my next door neighbour when she moved in I knew she was a bit ruff round the edges so kept my distance, one day after constant barking of her dog & I was suffering from awful morning sickness, I went to her door she wasn’t in so I posted a letter politely saying her dog was barking & that I understand the walls are paper thin, once she was back she came with all guns blazing screaming & shouting at me I was horrified by her reaction, yes I shouldn’t of put a letter through her door but she’s not one to have a heart to heart conversation with, especially me being pregnant .
The arguments just got worse once I had my baby her boy was playing football outside my husband ask the boy if he could move his game up the little one was in bed, she came charging out screaming he can do what he likes I jumped out and had a dig at her ( hormons) anyway after 10 minutes I chapped her door to try talk to her I apologised for my reaction but she wouldn’t accept it, she picked on anything she could about me making me out to be a horrid person, I don’t have this issue with any other neighbours I really get along with them …
Everytime I’m out she will make me feel like an outsider, growls at my children let her dog chase my cat – anything to get a reaction (I feel) out of me, I’ve bit my tongue & tried to ignore it, it just makes me feel so sad I’m so happy with everything I have going in my life but she brings me down
Please can you help me sort this x
Hello Kayla — welcome to Vibe Shifting, and thanks for commenting! 🙂
When you’re dealing with this type of situation, it’s really hard not to feel victimized — someone is being awful to you and it’s a horrible feeling and horrible situation to be in. But, from a Law of Attraction perspective, the problem with getting caught up in that feeling of being a victim is that it tends to both prolong and escalate the situation. The energy that you’re putting out there, and the expectations that you have about future encounters with this individual turning out the same way are all working together to ensure that the situation stays the same or gets worse.
You don’t have the power to change other people, but you do have the power to change how you view and react to the situations that you are in — and if you can shift your energy around these situations, it has ripple effects that can change the situation itself. My suggestion would be to first try shifting the way you think about this neighbour; is there anything good about her that you can think of? Have you ever seen her being nice to or helpful to anyone? Does she have any positive aspects, even if they are small? Make a list and try to focus on those things. Then try to focus on how you would like for your interactions with this person to unfold. Visualize a pleasant encounter — maybe you run into each other outside and you both say hello and there is no altercation of any kind. Spend a few minutes each day focusing on that image, and what it would feel like to have that kind of peace in your life.
Your own energy has a big impact on your co-creations with other people. Shift yourself, and you will likely find that either your interactions with this person become “magically” smoother, or she may just shift out of your life altogether (maybe she’ll move somewhere else, for instance).
Hi Natalie I have a similar situation my boyfriend and I had been a long distance relationship for 3 years now and his ex is still won’t leave me alone she keeps harassing me by hacking to his phone his facebook profile anything that she’ll get in contact me whenever I talk to him she’s really obsessed with him What should I do of using law of attraction so she will leave me alone and respect our relationship?
Hi Monique — from a Law of Attraction perspective, this could be an issue with you being afraid of losing this guy. If your energy is aligned with a fear of losing people who are important to you, this could be why you’ve drawn the jealous ex into your life. So think about how you would most like this situation to work out, and about what the best results would be for all three of you (including the jealous ex… maybe she finds a different guy that she could be happy with, for instance). Make into a daily visualization exercise where you concentrate, for about five minutes, on seeing yourself in this new-and-improved situation and really get yourself into alignment with that new vision of the best possible outcome.