I’m obsessed with fear right now. Conquering your fear is the subject of my upcoming book, Extraordinary, and I’ve been living and breathing this stuff for almost a year now. Researching. Writing. Weaving the material together in a way that will not only help people to understand what’s happening, but will inspire them to actually do what it takes to get through their own fears and build their biggest dreams.
So when this video clip from “X Factor UK” floated across my Facebook feed last week, I was naturally drawn to it. It embodies everything that I try to teach about fear – what it means, what it’s doing to your dreams, and above all, why you absolutely must find a way to stand up to it and move through it if you’re ever going to create the kind of life that, deep down inside, you KNOW you’re capable of living.
When I first saw this video it made me think back to my very early days in Toastmasters – my first speeches, when I literally had to grab hold of the edges of a lectern in order hide how badly my hands were shaking. I was so scared, I felt like I was going to throw up or faint, right there in front of everybody, and my heart was slamming into my chest so hard I was worried that it might actually get bruised from the beating it felt like it was taking.
Today’s video is such a great example of what it means, and what it actually looks like, to conquer your fear. When you see this man walk onto the stage, you can see how terrified he is. You can see him physically shaking. You can see that it takes him a minute to gather his courage together before he’s actually able to start singing. And then you can see what happens as he starts. You can see the transformation that happens… and you can see what the effect of someone doing what they’re born to do – even when they’re really scared – has on a crowd.
This man was scared. Really scared. But you can see in the interviews that there was excitement mixed in with that fear. The excitement that tell you that THIS is the path you need to take – despite your fear. If there was no excitement; if there was only dread, then that would indicate that this was no something he should do. Perhaps it would not have been the right path, or just not the right time for him. But because there was excitement – part of him desperately wanted to do this – to go up there and perform for that crowd, even while another part was terribly afraid of doing so — that was the clue that this was something he needed to do.
And he did it. Even though he was afraid. Even though he shook. Even though he probably felt like he was going to throw up.
And just look what happened.
Don’t let your fears control your destiny. Face your fears, do what you think you cannot. And start building your dreams.
Have you ever faced a big fear? What was it, and what happened afterwards?
photo credit: pixabay.com cc (modified by me)
Not letting our emotions get the better of us constantly comes up in life. Being hurt over every little thing is just not feasible and exhausting, I find, even though I used to be like that. Along the way, I realized that what is said is a reflection of the other person’s beliefs and the fact that people always say things, no matter how saintly or perfect you are. So, bucking up in this respect is very helpful. My husband the other day mentioned that he would rather be sensitive and experience this wealth of emotions and have experiences because this is what counts on life instead of being a zombie. Of course he gets hurt, but learns from it and carries on.
Now, what you describe here is really good and accurate. We cannot let our fears get in the way. but, if one is terrified or something, desensitization with slow exposure to something over time does wonders.
That’s exactly it — you learn, after a while, that letting yourself get hurt over such things is too exhausting. It just isn’t worth your tears. And you’re absolutely right — when people say mean things, it’s a reflection of their attitudes and beliefs, and usually has nothing to do with you at all. You’ll always feel something when people try to hurt you, but you can learn to let it wash through you — to experience it without getting stuck in it.
When you’re afraid of things, it’s very often a comfort zone issue. You’re afraid because you’ve never done it. Once you make yourself do it, you realize it wasn’t such a big deal after all. And your comfort zone expands to accommodate new experiences because of it. 🙂
Fear only means that we need to face something in our life that could help us be a better person. Everyone has it’s own fear, there are no such things as fearless. Those people who learned to face and deal with their fear has the strength in life. Take every chance of your life, because failure is better than regrets.
Hi Carol — welcome to Vibe Shifting, and thanks for commenting! 🙂 You’re absolutely right — we all have our own unique fears. There are types of fear that are universal, but the specifics within each of those types of fears are specific to each individual. The reason we never “conquer” our fear, in the sense of never feeling fear again, is that fear is often useful; it’s a survival mechanism and without it, we’d run into trouble. So we don’t ever want to get rid of fear completely. But when we let it control us, rather than inform us… that’s when fear becomes more harmful than helpful.