One of the most common consequences of the unresolved subconscious fears that most of us have surrounding our biggest dreams and goals is self-sabotage – that situation where we’ve been working on something for a while, and actually start seeing some results, and then all of a sudden the self-doubt bursts in out of nowhere and we start back-peddling, quickly unravelling all the painstaking progress we’ve made up to that point.
This kind of thing happens with everyone to one extent or another, but it’s particularly common among women, for a number of reasons. In today’s video we explore the reasons why women sabotage their own success, shedding light on the subconscious stuff that might be standing in our way when it comes to moving forward with the things that are most important to us.
Recognizing the thought patterns and ingrained beliefs that we pick up over time can help us to stop those automated thoughts from kicking in. When we know where our self-sabotaging behaviours come from, it goes a long way to helping us put a stop to them. We can start working on ways to dissolve the fears that these false beliefs have created, we can start creating new thought patterns and beliefs, and we can finally start working to create the kind of success that we want and deserve.
If you’d like to learn more about overcoming the fears that keep you from turning your dreams into reality, be sure to check out my latest book, fearLESS!
photo credit: pixabay.com cc (modified by me)
Hi Nathalie!
Thanks always for giving all the time and effort that you do to encouraging and teaching all of us. I want you to know how grateful I am. Life has taken some twists and turns (nothing new there, right? 🙂 ) and I haven’t quite the opportunities as before to check in and read what topic you are covering lately. Glad I did today, though, because I have been struggling with this very thing (you always seem to know!) Yes, this is a big problem for me, too. Instead of starting out with even a game plan, I had already become accustomed to “going along” with others’ plans my whole life. I knew I had dreams and goals but life always seemed to have other plans, and allowing those things to steal my time and preoccupation distracted me successfully, for a while, from getting down to the nitty gritty and figuring it out already. My approach was, ‘Well, since I am not really sure right now how to get from Point A to Point B, I’ll do this in the meantime; at least I am doing something’. But we as women and some of us mothers, too, know all too well how children steal our time and our hearts, as well as family and work duties and all of that. It makes my head spin. Even when I am getting my mind around the fact that I am never too old, that if I want to do something badly enough, I could…and I have proved this to myself before…there is the fact that I made choices long ago, such as having a family, that devoting care and responsibility to are not easily dismissed. And I don’t say that as if they are a burden; not at all. I adore my family. But I know that the things I still dream of would eventually bring me to having to choose, and therein lies the dilemma… I’ve had a taste of it and while it was good, it also came at a price, which was losing out on some precious moments that happened or could have happened if I’d been fully present for them. The guilt sometimes is incredible. Sometimes I ask myself which I could live with: always wondering and always feeling that pull to do the thing(s) and settling for a cookie cutter life or the guilt of not being and giving enough to them as a mother, because we all know how fast time flies and the kids are grown. I had mine later in life but still hadn’t sown my oats. I don’t really have the FOMO going on and I have no desire to do something heinous–let me make that clear. It’s just a matter of feeling a deep-seated need to come into and reach my full potential as an individual. I wish I could say that all the things that occupy my time and energy now were being used as excuses, but that would not be true. Yet, there does seem to be the self-sabotage going on, for sure. I am very interested in hearing more of your thoughts on the topic, as well as the thoughts of other readers who are dealing with the same thing. Maybe together we can sort this out and help each other find solutions. Girl Power! 🙂
Ayla, I have so much to say about this that it won’t fit in a comment. I’m putting together a separate post to talk about it all. You could have pulled these thoughts right out of my own head, and I suspect that you and I are not the only ones who struggle with this. For now, just know that there is an answer and we will find it, in time. As with everything else, that answer is going to be found in our beliefs and expectations. There’s a shift that we need to make in order to resolve these issues and it has to start inside.