butterfly metamorphosis

The metamorphosis of the self can only occur when we embrace the change.

I’ve been thinking lately about metamorphosis, and what it means to become; about fundamental changes in how I think and feel, about the transformation and growth of who I am, and about embracing change as it occurs.

I was concealed Now I am stirring And I have waited for this time Lyrics to “Lay My Love” by Brian Eno & John Cale

This journey that I’ve started is fascinating. When I started learning about the Law of Attraction, I didn’t really think about how much it would change me. I never thought about the impact that such a significant change to my ways of thinking and my belief systems would have.

For a while now, I’ve been feeling like I’m on the edge of something really big. Like something momentous is about to happen, but not knowing what it was, or when, exactly, it would happen.  A lot of us were feeling something as the year was drawing to an end. There was an unsettled edginess… you could literally feel the energy swirling in the air.  It was the energy of change, and of becoming. Sometimes I feel like that energy still hasn’t settled, although it doesn’t have the same sense of urgency that it did back in December.

The metamorphosis of self

But I can feel myself changing. In some ways, the metamorphosis is subtle; for instance, I can feel the shifts in my underlying thoughts. I can feel the way I automatically try to reframe things when I get stressed or upset about something. It’s strange in a way, to be able to recognize that – almost like a part of me is observing the me that goes about my daily life. In other ways it is obvious; I am more likely now to stand up for myself and move out of my comfort zone and try new things if there is an experience I believe will help me grow. There are so many layers to this shift, and while it is complicated, I am still ready to embrace the becoming. I wonder if it’s something that everyone who follows this path goes through…

I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring. ~David Bowie

You’d think that there would be at least a bit of trepidation or fear involved in being on the precipice like this, but there isn’t. I’m not afraid. I’m excited. There’s this awesome sense of anticipation… I can’t wait to see how the rest of this year unfolds. I don’t know what, exactly is going to happen, and I do not know what the metamorphosis will bring; but I do know that, no matter what happens, it’s going to end up being wonderful.  I don’t even feel any real need to know the details of what’s coming… I am content to just let it happen. And that is such a new and incredibly liberating experience for me. I’ve always been a control freak… always needed to know what was going to happen, and when and how. Not this time.

I feel like a part of me that has been dormant for decades is finally, finally, waking up. That which was concealed is now stirring. And yes, I have waited, so long, for this time. Only I didn’t even know that I was waiting for it until it started happening. Was I in my chrysalis before? Seeking safety by blanketing myself from the world? Perhaps. Or perhaps it just wasn’t time yet. A caterpillar cannot become a butterfly until it is ready, and no amount of willing it or coaxing it will bring about that metamorphosis.

Until it is time.

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