Learning to forgive: do I really have to?
Learning to forgive is a really difficult thing to do for a lot of us, and I’m no exception. Historically, I always had a really hard time with the idea that I should have to forgive people who hurt me… even when they were patently in the wrong and I didn’t do anything!
Sound familiar? We’ve all been there. The emotional trauma of the incident combined with outrage at the injustice and unfairness of it all… it rankles to have to think that we should forgive someone who put us through so very much. Sometimes the incidents in question are big ones. Perhaps there was real abuse. There are any number of things that could be lurking around – shadows of the past that still haunt us to this very day.
And that, right there, is the very reason why learning to forgive is such a critical thing, not only for our mental health, but for our very futures: all of these things are in the past. And when we keep our death grip on them by refusing to forgive, we keep reliving the old hurt over and over again. We bind ourselves with chains of steel to the pain, and we are stuck – unable to move forward in our lives because of it.
Learning to forgive allows us to dissolve those bonds to the past. It allows us to finally let go of pain, let go of hatred, let go of fear. It allows us to finally start living again.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with the ones being forgiven… in all likelihood they really don’t give a damn one way or the other. But it has everything to do with the one doing the forgiving. It’s a cleansing of the spirit; a release of burden; and choice for a better tomorrow, untainted by the darkness of the past.
Learning to forgive does not mean condoning a hurtful action or forgetting what was done. But it does mean letting go of it and taking the responsibility for creating your own future and deliberately choosing joy over bitterness.
Click the play button below to listen to this podcast episode now (about 6 minutes in length):
[powerpress]
If you enjoyed this episode of The Vibe Shifting Show please leave a review on iTunes!
photo credit: (c) Can Stock Photo
OMG, Nathalie, you are reading my mind! We LOA-ers are on the same wavelength and this to me is the indicator!
I have been grappling with this topic on and off for a while now. I even have a guided meditation cd sent by a friend to help overcome past hurts, not only by others imposed on me, but my very self. Self-forgiveness for a supposed mistake for which I would not be in the place I am now, even if may have been worse. Living with the pain of self-sabotage is horrible, although LOA teaches that this perpetual thinking is self torture and sabotage, not what I did not do when I had the chance. Because there are more chances and it was no big whoop, but lower-vibrating people will constantly remind me of it and I do my best to combat it. I know for a fact truly successful people forgive themselves first and foremost and have no regrets.
Nothing in this life on this planet is so horrible as people make it out to be, but we are conditioned to think otherwise. LOA has been helping with the re-programming of myself, which takes a while and I have high and low days but at least I am more aware and awareness if key.
Thank you for including the wonderful quotes!
Hi A. — Did you ever consider that maybe it wasn’t self-sabotage at all? Maybe it was the exact perfect road that you needed to take at the time in order to get yourself to where you are today. That path brought you to LOA and to all the stuff you’re learning now, which is a great thing! Try shifting your perspective on it that way and thinking about it from that viewpoint for a bit. If there is still something that you want to do, you can still do it (and with full consciousness of the power of LOA behind you as an added bonus)! Just be open to all the different ways in which it could still manifest for you, and don’t insist that it has to happen the way it would have in the past. Consider that there may be an even better way for it to happen for you, if you let the Universe line it up for you… ((hugs!)) 🙂
Thanks so much for this, Nathalie! It still irks me, but not the deep, writhing pangs I had before. yes, I suffered that much and you are so right, I just wish this can sink in better. Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t worry… you’ll get there. Just be gentle with yourself, and try to change your focus to something more positive when you feel yourself being drawn into the old hurts. It will come. (hugs!)
Thanks so much Nathalie!
One thing I still do not understand about LOA is things manifesting when you no longer care for them. Is is because you had put the desire in your escrow and let it go and then bam- it appears in your reality?
This recently happened with a friend of mine over the past three years. When she broke up with her ex- boyfriend, she mourned, talked about him incessantly, missed him, etc, and once she got her bearings back, so to speak, focused on herself and started doing things she wanted to that she did not do in the relationship and started going out with others, he came back. I find this phenomenon very interesting. And not just with relationships, with everything.
I think what happens in these cases is that while we were focusing on what we wanted, we were still caught up in the issue of the stronger vibration being that we didn’t have it yet. And as soon as you stop caring about it… boom! All resistance gone, so it manifests right away. I came across an experiment in a book that I wanted to try (and I really wanted it to work) and one of the things I was trying to do was manifest green cars within 48 hours. I didn’t get any green cars in that time frame, but after I gave up on the experiment, I started seeing green cars everywhere… and I’m still seeing them. Nothing earth-shaking, but same sort of principle.
Just found this little gem and thought I’d share it here, as it is the answer to my inquiries:
http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=SipVykiE6mY
Wow. That’s a rather bleak and disturbing view of the world, don’t you think? I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather spend my time and energy focusing on what I want to see happen in the world, rather than getting depressed over conspiracy theories. Focusing on what you don’t want only brings more of it into your life. Let it go. Focus on joy, love and all good things… and that is what you will attract to yourself. When you’re ready, let the darkness go… you don’t need it anymore.