Today we are talking about how to manifest a great relationship. Spring is finally in the air, and I guess romance is on people’s minds because of it. I’ve received a couple of emails about using Law of Attraction to find the perfect partner, so today we are going to look at making the mindset shift that is necessary for finding and connecting with Mr. or Ms. Right.
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It starts with your mindset
So let’s start this off by saying that, from an LOA perspective, manifesting a great romantic relationship, like anything else in life, always has to start with your mindset. Your beliefs and expectations about the likelihood of finding the right relationship have a big impact on whether or not you’re actually going to be able to create one.
And there are usually two main problems that I tend to see when people are having problems with this. 1) they’re jaded and they don’t really believe that great relationships are actually possible; or 2) they’re expecting a relationship to fix something in their lives. Neither one of these options is a good way of approaching things.
What do you expect will happen?
So why is that? Well, let’s look at the first option. Say your intention is to find the perfect romantic partner in life, but you’ve got a whole lot of baggage and garbage in your head about how “all men are exactly alike”, that you can’t trust them, they all cheat, and they’re all going to treat you like crap. Or that “all women do that” – they all play mind games, they all get a kick out of manipulating men, and their sole purpose in life is to make your life a living hell.
You can’t find the perfect relationship if you don’t believe it’s even possible. Tweet this!
If these are your dominant views about how relationships work, then that’s what you’re going to attract into your life — you can’t find the perfect partnership if you don’t believe that it exists. You will attract into your life what you expect.
Stop looking for someone to fix you
Which leads us to the next point: there are so many people out there who seem to approach a relationship from the point of view of fix me, heal me, complete me, take care of me, be there for me, or what have you. It’s this whole point of view that I have flaws but love me anyway or I don’t know how to love myself, so I need you to do it for me. The assumption behind all of this is that there is something wrong with you, something that is broken, or something that isn’t worthy.
How the hell do you expect to find a great relationship if you’re approaching it from the point of view that the only thing you have to offer another person is your broken-ness and the belief that someone needs to fix you? What kind of energy are you putting out there with that kind of focus? Think about it.
Now men do this too, but women, in particular are really bad about this. There’s this whole knight in shining armour complex that a lot of people on both sides – men and women – seem to have where they are looking for someone to charge in, sweep them off their feet and then they’ll ride away into the sunset for happily ever after because Prince or Princess Charming is now going to make everything in your life perfect. Ain’t gonna happen. And really, that’s a crapload of pressure to put on the other person, who’s probably got his or her own issues to deal with.
Love yourself first
The other thing to consider with this whole concept of viewing yourself as something broken is this: when you think you’re worth nothing, or that you’re not worth much, then what, exactly, do you have to offer to another person? You’re not giving anything of value if you don’t value yourself. And where is the meaning in that? Where is the basis of a strong relationship when you’re offering something that you don’t think is worth anything or that isn’t important; when you don’t think that YOU are important?
There’s a line in one of Ayn Rand’s books… I can’t remember off-hand whether it was in Anthem or We the Living, but she said: “In order to say ‘I love you’, one must first know how to say the ‘I’.” It’s a line that’s always stuck with me, and to me it means that in order to love another person, you need to know who YOU are first. And part of knowing who you are is knowing what you’re worth. A great relationship has to start with being able to love yourself first.
The only person who can fix you is you
“Love me even though I don’t love myself” is really not a good energy base on which to create any kind of healthy relationship. If you want to know how to manifest a great relationship, you need to change the way you’re thinking about it, and the way you’re approaching it.
The bottom line is that looking for anyone else to fix your life is not going to work. It is nobody else’s responsibility to fix what you think is wrong in your life except yours. It’s your responsibility to fix your own life. Instead of hoping to be healed or completed by another person, realize that you have the power to do that for yourself. More importantly, you need to do that for yourself. You don’t need someone else to complete you – you’re already complete; already wonderful.
Start looking at what you bring to the table in a relationship. Start focusing on your personal strengths and things that you really like about yourself. And for the love of all that is – let yourself like yourself! You’re amazing! Enjoy it! Bask in your own awesomeness! Love yourself before you ask someone else to love you, too.
It’s about partnership
You have strengths that you bring to any partnership, so focus on those – what you have to give in a relationship rather than what you expect the other person to do for you. Now, just to clarify here – I am NOT saying that a relationship should be one-sided and that you should only be focused on giving and the other person gets to do all the taking. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m getting at here is the shift in focus. Are you coming at it from a place of neediness and the belief that something within you needs fixing or is somehow lacking, or are you coming at it from a place of strength, confidence, compassion, and love.
The key here is that little word: “partnership”. Are you looking to form a dependency or are you looking to form a two-way partnership. Get really clear on what it is that you want in a relationship. In my Vibe Shifters Tribe Facebook group one of our tribe members who is divorced, said that the woman he eventually finds will be his best friend, that she will bring out the best in him and that he will bring out the best in her. And I love this sentiment – first of all, it’s so sweet, and second of all, it acknowledges that concept of the equal partnership; that both individuals bring strengths and that both are there for each other. It’s a mutual support thing rather than a one-sided thing.
The mindset shift
There’s a fine line between expecting someone else to fix what you think is broken and wanting to find support in another. There’s very different energy in both of those approaches, so be very clear about what you’re focused on. One presumes that the other person will be the source of your strength, while the other presumes that you each have your own strength and power, but that you are willing to help each other.
And that is the mindset shift that you need to make. In order manifest a great relationship, you need to shift away from what you think you lack and over to what you already can give. Focus on what you and your future Mr. or Ms. Right can build together, with each other. Learn to love yourself and all the wonderful things that you can bring to create that “something wonderful” that you’re looking for with that other person.
I’m going to leave you with a quote today – I know, I haven’t done that in a while — but this quote is particularly apt for today’s topic. It’s a quote from the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and it says: “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
photo credit: pixabay.com cc (modified by me)
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This was really good and can be applied to career as well. Dating those people with low self esteem is pretty heartbreaking for you too, as they may be really nice, but their lack of self esteem, being suspicious, and all the other stuff ruin the relationship, no matter how much you are in love with them. You just can’t build them up; that is an internal job.
I was thinking that if you are in the vortex, you won’t get jaded. You will be tickled and appreciative of all these experiences and milk them for what they are and will be naturally led to Mr. or Ms. Right. Even if you are inspired to go on a dating site, as long as you are inspired and not forced into it or acting out of desperation, then why not? It is good to have an open mind abut it.
Dating people with low self-esteem can certainly be heartbreaking. But you’re right — you can’t make it better for them. You can’t “fix” them. That’s work that only they can do for themselves. All our experiences have a role in helping us to grow, if we choose to see them that way.
Maybe the only thing you need to be in love with is life itself. All the rest will fall into place/come to you on its own without your interference. People are attracted to those of a higher vibration, so no whining, crying, feeling sorry for yourself, etc., not even for a relationship based on pity, because it just won’t last. Pity is not love, it is something else and no, you just can’t be with someone just to be with them if all you do is bring them down.
Ask yourself if you would make a good date and hang out with yourself. Would you date you? This journey is about you, after all, the others are only guests on your reality. Love has a certain logic to it. It needs to feel good, free, you need to have a good time, trust the person, and feel good about it overall. Positive energy.
And if you do have temporary love, enjoy it, do not cry about it to others. Enjoy it while it lasts. Just keep appreciating and enjoying and experiencing, all the while getting closer to what you want. And stop being embarrassed that you are the only single one from your friends. Who knows if they will be attached for long anyway.
That’s a good way to look at it — be in love with life itself and everything else will fall into place. And I really like the idea of asking yourself if you’re the kind of person that you would want to hang out with yourself. That’s a great way to really get to the heart of things. Be the kind of person that you would want to love before asking others to love you.